Season 7, Episode 5, “Eastwatch”: Has everyone cooled down after last week’s Lannister BBQ? This Sunday’s fifth episode of ‘Game of Thrones’ Season 7, “Eastwatch,” is decidedly less ablaze than last week (though the burning’s not quite over yet). Things are about to get fiery again soon, by the looks of Beric Dondarrian’s awesomely en fuego sword in the scenes from next week. This season has been batshit crazy unpredictable about what to expect when, and it was almost a relief to have an episode that was heavy on the strategy rather than the body count–though it was no less intense. Written by Dave Hill, directed by Matt Shakman, “Eastwatch” was satisfyingly rich in the way it drew on the show’s history, bringing together characters we’ve been missing, and who have been just missing each other for seasons. And at the end, yes, indeed, the Avengers do assemble, though with this motley crew of banged up murderers heading into the north to wrangle a wight, it’s more like “The Expendables” to be honest.
King’s Landing
We open, predictably, at the moment we left off last week. They couldn’t keep us in suspense too long about the fate of Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau), who ends up getting dragged out of a river by Bronn (Jerome Flynn). Jaime, is, Lannisterially, ungrateful for the assist. Bronn, who takes no shit, basically says, WTF were you doing dummy?? Jaime claims he was “ending the war.” Nice try bud. Bronn reminds him that if anyone is going to kill Jaime, it’ll be him. Aw, friendship!
The two are obviously gobsmacked by their first meeting with Drogon. But there are definitely worse things… like Cersei (Lena Headey). Bronn tells Jaime that he might as well jump back in the river instead of breaking the news to his sis.
On the battlefield, which we presume is right outside of King’s Landing, or thereabouts, Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is offering the surviving Lannister army the deal of a lifetime: bend the knee or die. While most do, ol’ Randy (James Faulkner) and Dick (Tom Hooper) Tarly prove to be holdouts. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage), no fan of Dany’s murderous terms, does some quick rhetorical work, trying to get Randyll to save himself and bend the knee, pointing out that his allegiance to queens has recently been quite flexible. Dickon, well he’s just trying to be like dad, foolishly. Randyll, who would be wearing a “Make Westeros Great Again” hat if he had one, mumbles about foreign invaders, and Cersei being born in Westeros, and remains steadfast. Cool, dude! Despite Tyrion’s efforts, Dany roasts the Tarlies to ash. Everyone bends the knee after this, and she’s satisfied with her approach.
Jaime makes his way to Cersei to recount the horrors of the one-two punch of Dothraki and dragons and she brushes him off, saying they’ll hire mercs. Though he does get her interest, and her blood boiling, with the news that Olenna was the one who killed Joffrey, not Tyrion. Cersei’s war has always been about revenge for her kids’ deaths, anything else be damned.
Dragonstone
Cutting away from King’s Landing for a bit, because we have to establish the goings-on at Dragonstone. Jon Snow (Kit Harington) has a remarkable moment when Drogon takes a shine to him, letting the Bastard of Winterfell (aka a true Targaryen because R+L=J!!!) gently pet him on his nose (*“Jurassic Park” theme plays*). Dany’s a bit taken aback, but then she’s all, “tell me my kids are cute, Jon Snow.”
They talk about the casualties of war they’ve both inflicted and she says that, “sometimes strength is terrible.” She’s trying to get Jon to tell her the story about the time he took a knife in the heart, but they’re interrupted by another miracle: a greyscale-free Jorah Mormont (Iain Glen). Neosporin works! The best part about the warm reunion between Jorah and his Khaleesi? The extreme stink eye Jon gives their embrace. Oh yes, the longing looks between Dany and Jon this week are on another level.
Everything changes when they receive a raven from Winterfell. Bran (Isaac Hempstead-Wright) has been warging into ravens and has seen the Army of the Dead beyond the wall at Eastwatch. They send word to Oldtown and Dragonstone. The message is relayed by Tyrion and Varys (Conleth Hill), after they take their sweet time with a wine and bitch sesh about their tyrannical boss.
Jon’s not as excited to hear that two of his siblings are actually alive when that news comes wrapped in a message about more Climate Change White Walkers on the move. How are we going to kill them? With diplomacy! The crew comes up with a plan to capture and bring a wight (?) to King’s Landing (?) to prove to Cersei that Climate Change White Walkers are real (?). That way Cersei won’t march on Dany and Dany can help Jon. Okay, but this plan seems wack as hell.
Dany is fine with sending eager Jorah to get a wight, but when it comes to Jon, she’s all “I haven’t given you permission.” Yup, guys, the longing stares are out of control between aunt and nephew Targaryen. Cue up “Hungry Eyes,” Jon’s got a speech about trust to deliver!
Winterfell
So while Bran is warging, Arya (Maisie Williams) is learning more about her sister and the political scheming at Winterfell. The Northerners are threatening mutiny against Jon. They want to put Sansa (Sophie Turner) in charge and Arya calls her sister out on actually wanting that too. Arya, she’s got trust issues, and rightfully so. But maybe Sansa does like the power.
Arya follows Littlefinger (Aiden Gillen) as he receives a secret message from one of the mutinous Northerners, “from Maester Luwin, the last copy in Winterfell.” She obviously breaks into his room and reads it.
Now, in the moment, that letter went right over my head. If you want an explanation of that mysterious letter, I direct you to Joanna Robinson over at Vanity Fair. She is the expert, I am not, if you came here looking for expertise and not enthusiastic gibberish, you have been sorely misled.
Suffice to say, it was a letter that Cersei forced Sansa to write way back in Season 1. This season is all about the callbacks. Regardless, Littlefinger knew Arya was watching, planted the letter, and it seems this whole letter and mutiny business is just a way to drive a wedge between the sisters Stark.
Oldtown
Another one of those ravens from Winterfell arrived at Old Town and the maesters are skeptical. They think it’s just a ploy from the dragon queen to draw attention away from King’s Landing. Sam (John Bradley-West), overhearing, interjects all hysterical-like, saying, “I saw it!” But those academic egg-heads don’t believe him, sending for more info. Too bad they haven’t even told Sam his dad and brother were killed by Daenerys. It’s going to be interesting when he finds out who his best friend’s new aunt/love interest/ally is!
Poring over books later, Gilly (Hannah Murray) is sharing some old facts about the Citadel from one of the old Maesters including a VERY interesting piece of info about Rhaeghar Targaryen getting a marriage annulment. This would, of course, make his secret marriage with Lyanna Stark legitimate and Jon a proper Targaryen heir for all you R+L=J heads out there. But before she can get a word in, Sam, like a typical man, interrupts and spews a screed of annoyed speechifying about her silly little facts. Goddammit Sam. WE. WERE. SO. CLOSE.
Instead, they pack up and leave. “I’m quitting college!!!!” Sam yells into the night as they ride off (jk jk jk). There’s more useful work to be down outside of the Citadel.
King’s Landing (2)
Tyrion and Davos (Liam Cunningham) head to King’s Landing to convince Cersei to take a general meeting with Daenerys and the wight. Tyrion meets Jaime in the dragon skull cave to discuss, via Bronn, while Davos heads to Fleabottom and scoops up the spawn of Robert Baratheon himself, Gendry (Joe Dempsey).
Yessir, only a few seasons later and Gendry has rowed himself from Dragonstone, where Davos plopped him in a boat to save him from Melisandre’s royal blood leech barbecues, and he’s grown into a fine, young, hot ironworker. “Nothing fucks you harder than time,” Davos says, and we care to disagree in the case of Baratheon’s hunky bastard.
Gendry is raring to go… anywhere, and he grabs his giant mace/pointy hammer weapon and the two peace out of Fleabottom. Back in the rowboat they go. Though two guards give them some trouble, Davos has just about waved them off with a bribe and some fermented crab aphrodisiac before they spot Tyrion returning from his rendezvous. Gendry is forced to make strawberry jam of the guards’ faces. He calls it the Hammer but maybe his weapon should be nicknamed Face Jelly.
Jaime tells Cersei about the Tyrion meeting but of course she already knew, and obsessed with petty bullshit, she says, “when are you going to punish Bronn for betraying you?” The man tackled Jaime out of dragon’s breath, dragged him out of a river, fought Sand Snakes for him and is in general, the only tolerable person Jaime ever hangs out with. Nah. Not gonna happen
She actually seems to consider the Dany detente, while caressing her abdomen meaningfully. Oh snap, does this mean…? Yes. She informs her brother he’s going to be a daddy again. Um. Cersei. The prophecy—the witch—the woods? You were only supposed to have three kids if we remember correctly. But Jaime doesn’t know that and the trick works perfectly on him.
Dragonstone
Gendry and Davos link up with Jon at Dragonstone and he and Gendry are new best friends. Gendry never met a Stark sibling he didn’t like and they two men bond over their knowledge of each other’s fathers.
Tyrion and Jorah share a nice moment when Tyrion tells him, “nobody glowers quite like you do, not even Grey Worm.” He does give him the good luck coin they received from the slavers, which is sweet.
Daenerys shares meaningful goodbyes with her men, Jorah and Jon, and the crew sets off.
Eastwatch
Of course they get there quickly (travel time on this show has been completely eradicated). Tormund (Kristofer Hivju) is happy to see his old buddies, but grumpy they haven’t also brought “The Big Woman.” He does call it like he sees it: they need a wight so the queen with the dragons can show the queen who fucks her brother. So refreshingly concise.
They aren’t the only ones raring to get across the wall. He shows them to a cell, where The Hound (Rory McCann), Beric Dondarrion (Richard Dormer) and Thoros of Myr (Paul Kaye) are chilling out, compelled by the Lord of Light and the Hound’s campfire vision to go fuck up some White Walkers.
Watching this group of old timers greet each other is something else. Jon clocks The Hound. Gendry doesn’t want to trust Beric and Thoros because of the whole Lord of Light sitch with Melisandre. Tormund is none too pleased to discover Jorah is a Mormont. I’m just stoked two alive-dead guys (Jon and Beric) are going to hang soon.
This raggedy-ass murderers row of badasses and killers then head out into the wintry landscape beyond the wall to go wight-hunting. I can’t fucking wait. Beric’s fire sword! (I may or may not have been chanting “LORD OF LIGHT. LORD OF LIGHT.”) Stallone’s got nothing on these guys. It’s The Expendables of Westeros.
For fuck’s sake, leave your thoughts, complaints and theories below!